Is it all just an illusion?

I've been spending alot of time reading lately and listening to Dhamma talks. While I realize that I cannot force anything to come; whether it be compassion, forgiveness, detachment .. it seems as though the times that I am best capable (able) of being in these states is during these moments. I know that one day, through practice, it will all just be there. One day, these practices of compassion and forgiveness and detachment will arise out of non-doing, out of just being, all the time, all my life. It's extremely difficult, as it appears, that the closer I get to practicing these moments outside of meditation, the more these sensations arise or are at the very least, more apparent. These sensations of fear, rejection, abandonment, lonliness. And I realize that is the whole point! I am allowing a safe and smooth gateway for these sensations to be released rather than rejected, buried and averted. This brings about their intensity. But the pain .. is so much more! More real. More deep. When I find myself in these moments, I often wonder if I can make it through them. I often ask myself, can I make it through this another day?