This Chapter Closes

I have been preparing myself for this day for the past 2 months. Inward contemplation, thoughts, ideas. Though, I never knew it was going to be today. I'm not sure what I am feeling right now. I am certainly all cried out. I see speckles of sadness, and pieces of relief even. I feel rejected and abandoned. I feel hope and confusion. It's all so real right now, I don't know what to do. So many questions that I didn't ask. Because I was too afraid. I dreamt of this moment. Everything was exactly how it was in the dream. The hair on my arms are rising as I write this. I noticed, while we were sitting on the patio sipping our wine, this to be true. I also noticed that the entire street we were on had not one bus. We sat there for an hour. On one of the busiest streets of Toronto. And not one bus went by. I stood real close to the yellow line. My toes were right on the edge. Listening to a dhamma talk on fear on my mp3 player. It came closer and closer. I leaned forward just a bit. And I swayed. And then I stepped back.