Life Is Full Of Surprises

What was supposed to be a 10 day retreat ended up being a 6 day retreat for me. Due to a family emergency, I was called out of the retreat rather suddenly on the 6th day. Surprisingly, I was not upset by this, though right now I wish I had that opportunity to have completed the full 10 days. In time I suppose. Priorities need to be set in order ... and family always comes first. Quite an injoyable experience. I am not new to the Vipassanna technique of meditating but am new to Goenka's way of teaching. He is quite incredible; humourous and full of wisdom and love. I can see why people call this the boot camp of meditation retreats. 10 hours a day of meditation. Very disciplined. Day 1 was a little difficult for me, though I had no problem getting up at 4 am. By Day 2 I was in the swing of things and had little difficulty sitting for meditation. Before I left, I asked Ian if he had any words of wisdom before I went. He had already completed the full 10 days a month prior to me. He said, "Go with the intent to stay". I didn't quite understand what he meant by this. Who wouldn't want to stay?, I thought. It was beautiful. Full of opportunity. Why would someone want to leave? But while at the retreat I had quite the insight into this tidbit of advice. Nothing to do with me, but rather, everything to do with Ian. I saw how this statement aligned perfectly with Ian's behaviour. He is fearful of committment. Anything which exudes responsibility and committment he runs from. And that is exactly what this retreat signified. And that is exactly what his statement reflected. His fear of committment. His statement was simply a mirror of his own fears. Day 4 of the retreat was the most challenging. We were required to do a 2 hour meditation sit, back to back, with absolutely no movement. I had already been engaged in meditation the hour previous, so this was going to be a 3 hour meditation sit for me. This was the turning point of experience for me at the retreat. We were to take our attention away from the breathe and direct to observing body sensations. Starting from the crown of the head and working our way down to our toes. It took a few moments for me to feel anything, but then I felt a protrusion of pressure on the soft spot of my head. Almost like someone was taking their finger and pushing my skull in. At that moment I felt 2 surges of electric currents race up my spine; the first stopped at the nape of my neck and then sent out a wave of electric energy to cover my entire skull, the second shifted slightly to the right and proceeded over my right shoulder. Then my entire body felt like little white prickly lights. That night I did not sleep. I became very paranoid. I'm not sure what exactly I was paranoid about. I paced my room and tossed and turned in my bed. The next 2 days my meditations became much deeper. I began experiencing involuntary movement of the hands. Kriya's became stronger and more violent in motion. At one point in my meditation, I also felt as though I became so light I levitated off the floor and stayed floating for several moments. Dreams were extremely vivid, appetite increased, energy increased (I almost left the residence once in the middle of the night to go walking, but forced myself to stay). I suddenly had an urge to stand on my head. Never done this before. Took a few times before I was able to complete one, but I felt a sensation of euphoria when I did do it. Extreme heat during meditations. My entire body was drenched by the time I was finished our strong determination sittings. I also experienced moments of deep trance states in meditation. A full hour would go by and it seemed as though I had just closed my eyes. I started to loathe being around the other students. Simple things would annoy the hell out of me. I could not bear to be alone in my room and spent all free time either outside or in the meditation hall. I would become extremely depressed and go into deep moments of sadness. I would cry and cry. At times in the meditation hall, I would hear beautiful music. Hindu like music (I also heard the beatles song Yesterday once). Flutes and pianos and soft angelic voices. But this would only happen in the meditation hall. When I was in my room meditation my left ear would buzz and ring so loudly that I constantly would lose concentration and could not meditation. Since I've returned home I've continued to have a few experiences. I believe if I had stayed at the meditation hall, things would certainly have intensified for me. There were moments where I felt absolutely out of my mind, insane. Day to day life distrations surely have affected this. My first night back again, I could not sleep. I noticed that I became very sensitive to vibrations outside of myself as well. I became paranoid that someone was in the house, even though no one was there, because I kept feeling thumping noises. I felt them so deeply that I almost believed I was hearing them. I would leave my room, walk around the house and discover a cat was walking. The second night was a little strange. I had a lot of difficulty sleeping but when I did manage to fall asleep I had quite the strange dream. In the dream was Ian with me. I was in first person. I kept pointing to an image of a blue Lord Krishna and saying to Ian, Look, I am just like Lord Krishna. I kept repeating this to Ian over and over again. When I awoke, I noticed first off that my wrists were killing me. They were sore and felt fatigued. Then I noticed the position I was in. I was twisted into a yoga position on my belly. My hands in the form of a strange mudra, wrists pulled back. I am quite certain what is happening with me. I have only known Ian to go through this experience and no one else. His experience was quite exhausting though both mentally and physically and I do not see my experience as being that. I am still sane *knock on wood* and haven't had any huge spiritually transforming pieces of wisdom.