Late night conversation with my Self

I took some time last night to look at my relationships with my clients at my job. I really want to understand this whole process of attachment. I can (as can Yanna) see myself becoming more compassionately detached from everything around me but this only happens, so I’ve discovered, through constant observation and investigation within the experience. So .. I took some time to investigate my work relationships. As I’ve mentioned, I am a fitness consultant. Take away the title and the fun of my job and clearly it is my role to sell health and fitness. If I don’t sell I will get replaced. What I enjoy the most about my job is the relationships I build with my clients. People trust me, they confide in me and they see me as a friend. I am also a means to the solution they seek. But why am I doing this job. What are my motives? What creates that direction in me? When I first look, I see the money. When I sell my services I get a reward - that is commission. But no, that is not it at all. I do not do my job for money. So I go a step deeper. Recognition. I am recognized as one of the top fitness consultants in the company, both for service and sales. This resonates with me a little bit. Let’s go a step deeper. Why do I want to be recognized by my peers? Recognition by my peers creates a sense of self-value. Deeper still. Why do I need to create a sense of self-value? Because it makes me feel like I belong. Deeper still. Why do I want to belong? Because if I don’t belong then I must not-belong. And not-belonging creates a sense of isolation. What is isolation? Loneliness. The relationship I have with my clients is based on my fear of loneliness. ~~~~~~~ My session with Yanna last night was experience-invoking. We talked alot about my relationship with both parents. She gave me some fresh sage from her garden to dry and use to cleanse the bedroom.