Loneliness

Something I mentioned in one of my posts earlier on was my addiction to busy-ness. And through observing the majority of relationships I have with others being based on my fear of loneliness, I wanted to delve further into what this loneliness is. I see the correlation between my addiction and my fear. I see how jealousy and trust issues are also grounded in this fear of loneliness. This emptiness within myself; what is it and how does it come to be? My mind always wants to escape this empty void, but this time I opt to stay; as at this point in such development escaping is rather infantile. There it is and here I am aware of it. The act of escape itself, I observe, is an act of the mind. We know that the mind creates this idea of separation, that is its very essence. The ‘ego’ creates isolation. So is it possible that while working in the state of the ego that this void is created (isolation) and the mind then makes every effort to fill this void? But obviously in the process of filling the void through self-centered activity, we make this void deeper. Here is the emptiness. I observe that this emptiness has come into being through the minds’ separation and through an egoist approach. I observe that any effort to fill this void is merely another selfish act. In the past, I would run away. I would buy books and read, I would go on the internet, I might go out drinking or find comfort in people. Maybe I cleaned the house top to bottom, or exercised. Sometimes I even became obsessed with my spirituality. I escaped, which is simply another mold for separation, isolation. Now I see that I cannot do anything about it, for if I do I am simply creating more obstacles to freedom. At this point the mind can see that it can do nothing about it. Through diligent contemplation, I see this entire process. My mind now sees the idiocy of trying to fill the empty void. It ceases to put forward any more energy into filling this emptiness. So see, now my mind becomes silent. I observe the silence. There is no loneliness in the silence. I feel, in that complete silence, beauty and love. ~~~~ This process of inward contemplation has brought me to a clear understanding (learning) about you. I see you act within the natural process of the mind and ego. You are always running. Running away from, running to something. Have you ever stopped running? You must be tired! It is funny to me (not in a cynical way) because it is like a hamster running in his wheel. He is going and going and going, probably thinking he is getting somewhere, but really he hasn't moved at all.