Thoughts on Me

The session this evening was fantastic. We are still engaging in the connected breath therapy that we started months ago. A lot of loving-kindness metta as well. We have worked through a lot and it has been an arduous task, for the both of us. I am 'proud' of myself I must say as I have maintained consistency and assiduity in my daily practices in the midst of chaos, without fail. I have resolved more in the past 3 months than I have in my entire lifetime. There has been such a tremendous evolution in my being over the past 3-4 months. I look back in amazement at the behavioural patterns I once exhibited. So many patterns that I've unburdened myself of. The little things like always having to have footwear on (I had a barefoot phobia for the majority of my life - begone sandals), the need to control people and relationships to the deeply rooted ghastly image I maintained of myself. As previously said the development hasn't necessarily been an on-going process, yet it has been transformational. In my experience I didn't 'work on' being free of the need to control or of my insecurity or jealousy. One day it just became incredibly ludicrous and self-serving to BE this behaviour - to hold onto this pattern and it was gone; yet it has been an on-going transformation that brought me to this realization. One day I went to put on my sandals and I just said to myself, how unbelievably ridiculous it was to wear footwear all the time and my phobia of being barefoot dissolved entirely. I cannot begin to illustrate how wondrous it is to be free of all that. Free of the jealousy, control, manipulating behaviours, mistrust. How boundlessly free I am and how magnificent it is to be in love with myself.