I am the supreme Brahman

My heart filled with gratitude for the opportunity to be a part of something so magical and intoxicating over the past 10 days. An emotional spiritual journey. Anyone interested in taking part in these courses can go to the Dhamma website, courses are offered worldwide. On the website is information on Goenka as well as the technique used. To those who are interested in reading of my meditation experiences, a lengthy description follows. This is all recollection of memory, as one of the codes is not to have any writing utensils while at the retreat (so as to not further distract the mind). I am still trying to put together the pieces of my experiences at the retreat. Still in a state of elated bliss. The first few days of the retreat were filled with a lot of deja vu’s. Several of the people at the retreat were there when I first experienced this back in July. When we had our first sit in the meditation hall, the Assistant Teacher Maria seemed especially familiar to me. Her eyes were so incredibly enchanting. She often stared and smiled at me, which gave me a feeling of remembrance of her beautiful face. A monk was present at this retreat. His presence and energy (though I was only in direct contact with him on Day 0) was exhilarating. Day 4 - Each of our group sittings are to be taken with complete stillness of the body without movement of hands, legs or eyes, in strong determination. Experienced a lot of cranial movement. Eyes closed I could feel the shape of change taking place in my face, frontal lobe and crown area. A lot of 3rd eye activity, especially during Goenka’s chanting. A vision of a yellow shape came to me during one of the evening sits. Day 5 - Though I had some difficulty during the sits yesterday, today has proven no difficulty in maintaining at least an hour of no movement. Again, the yellow symbol showed face during several of my sits. At some point during meditation I (thought I had) opened my eyes and looked down at the white shawl that covered me. On it I could see hundreds of bugs crawling all over the shawl. I wanted to move and shake the shawl but remembered that I couldn’t move. Not a second passed and I opened my eyes and realized that there were no bugs crawling on me. Day 6 - Towards the end of the morning sit a popping noise happened. Seemed to come from directly above my head. Shortly after the pop I felt as though sprinkles of water were being dropped on the top of my head. The water trickled down my spine (inside my body) very, very slowly. The taste of something sweet lightly filled the back of my mouth. During my evening sit I had another vision. One of a serpent or a snake rising up my back and forcing its head out of the crown of my head. It’s mouth wide open , I could literally feel the suctioning and pulling of this thing coming from my head. The music has begun. At my last attendance in July the music became apparent after my k-awakening. It has begun again today. I hear the melodies of a harp and flute and piano. Sometimes singing. A lot of tears be shed today. No particular ‘reason’ to the tears, they would just come. I am now able to maintain strong determination in almost all my sits, both in the hall and out of the hall. A lot of ‘mental’ drama’s came up for me today. Events replayed out in my mind of situations with certain people in my life that have caused me much pain. I was able to use these moments as tools to remain equanimous. Day 7 - Afternoon sit today I closed my eyes and as usual began to focus on sensations at the crown area of the head. The circular area began to feel very hot and pressure was felt over my entire head. Very slowly something began to move from the crown area which then traveled in a straight line down to the frontal lobe. It felt like it was of liquid form. When it reached the beginning portion of the forehead I felt several drops of fluid drip into the third eye area. This continued to happen throughout the remainder of my sits. I spoke with Chris at work about this as he has a fairly extensive background on cranial changes and the internal fluid chambers and it seems the release of fluid is from the sagittal sinus chamber - which he said is an incredible experience for me to have, especially during meditation. Another individual I spoke with who has an expansive background and experience with meditation/chakras and kundalini suggested it was the beginning stages of the opening of my 3rd eye. The divine music that I was only hearing in the meditation hall has seem to have followed me to my room. Sometimes I questioned whether there was an actual radio on as the music was clear as a bell. The melodies I hear are quite beautiful and can range from instruments like the harp and flute to singing classical, celestial songs. Gross sensations seem to be concentrated on 4 particular areas. The tail end of my spine, near my navel, center of the chest and throat area - these also happen to be in alignment with the chakra’s. The sensations I feel in these areas are very intense. The pain is quite piercing and at times unbearable. I noticed during break that these particular spots would produce welts or a rash. From this day on I would sleep very little. Usually in 15 minute intervals as a rest during the day. Evening time was very difficult to me and when I would manage to fall asleep I would wake up 15 minutes later covered in sweat. Day 8 - Today I experienced a loss of all perception. Forgot my room number. Found myself walking on the path with no recollection of how I got there. Went to go to the meditation hall but couldn’t remember how to get there. The yellow symbol came again in meditation, however it transformed and spread open into a lotus that was white with yellow tips. During meditation it seems as though my body locks up at a certain point, usually about 30 minutes into my sit. I cannot move any part of my body. I am constantly feeling a swirling, dancing energy within me. Sort of feels like it is playing ping pong. Spontaneous mudra’s are happening again, but it is the same one each sit. It seemed over time since the last experience in July that the energy that allowed me to do such things slowly became weaker and weaker as it appeared the hand would start to make form and then stop short. During my sits it appears that I am in one position (my perception) but am actually in another. I often feel I am facing a certain way or sitting in a particular position to discover this is not the case when the sit ends. With the case of the sensations, I am feeling few gross sensations. By the last sit this evening I was able to pierce through all the sakhra’s. I reached and was able to maintain a blissful state in meditation. All feeling of the body dissolved except for a warm, subtle vibration of energy. I have been able to access and maintain this state since this day. Day 9 - Saw a deer on my path this morning. She actually saw me first and I caught her watching me. She did a little prance for me and then scurried off into the woods, looking back once and pausing to see if I was still watching her. Later on, looking out my room window to see an image of Jesus Christ engraved into a tree (at this point I questioned my sanity), beckoning me to walk this path with him. Even upon closer inspection from my room this image still prevailed on the tree. In this moment I experienced the impact of my misery on those to whom I projected it upon in the past. This was THE moment during the retreat for me. Now that I have returned home, I am still hearing divine music. Whether in or out of meditation. It is with me at all times. There is just absolutely no way of me explaining the sounds that I am hearing other than to explain them as the most intoxicatingly beautiful music. At all times I am in a state of awareness of sensations on the body. I've had some pretty intense meditation sessions since returning home that I will write about later.